last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
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Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
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Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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