I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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