I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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