Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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