I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I think my moral compass just broke
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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