Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
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just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
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Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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