Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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