i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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