Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
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He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
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I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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