I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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