I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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