thus making me awesome and them whores
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize