Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
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You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
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How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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