so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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