i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize