do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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