god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
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you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
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I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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