The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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