Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
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she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
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I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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