its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize