Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
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