areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Randomize