Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
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Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
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You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
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