I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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