If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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