Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
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A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
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There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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