I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
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The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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