That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
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