I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
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i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize