went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize