My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
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