According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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