haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Houston, we have a blender
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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