So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize