eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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