We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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