tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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