people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize