no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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