I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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