So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize