I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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