i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
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