Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
It's Friday. Sex?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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