So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize