i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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