Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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