you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize