Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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