Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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